Domesticity and the Family

Introduction

The introduction to Joan William’s Unbending Gender: why family and work conflict and what to do about it, attempts to introduce the theme of domesticity that defines gender norms and roles within family life. The ideology of domesticity as Williams describes, is one that separates the responsibilities of the market worker and the caregiver. The inability for the market worker to both perform in the market and inside of the home gives rise to domesticity, thus justifying the breadwinner and housewife roles. As gender roles are further defined, Williams also particularly looks at the effect that domesticity has had on a woman’s income and work ethic, and also how it affects the dynamic of family life as the father’s involvement in their children’s lives is minimized.

Specifically, William’s description and observation of the ideal worker, and the sex discrimination that resulted from defining the ideal worker sparked my interest. Williams describes the ideal worker as someone who works forty hours or more a week year round. For most families, this kind of work ethic is traditionally feasible by only men who can dedicate that much time to their jobs because their wives and their mothers of their children continue to fulfill household and caregiver duties. Mothers, as Williams explains do not have the same or equal opportunity to participate or to dedicate themselves to jobs as men do. What was most surprising to me was that though the wage gap between men and women has decreased the gap between “mothers and others” has increased according to William’s figure that mothers who work full time earn only sixty cents for every dollar earned by full-time fathers. I am curious to see why this gap and wage inequality continues to exist and why the work place is not working to compensate and take interest in women who are mothers and who are depended upon to provide for not only themselves but also for their children. I think that the traditional notion of the ideal worker needs to be redefined in order to include family work within that of market work.

Chapter One

Chapter one of Joan William’s Unbending Gender: why family and work conflict and what to do about it, “Is Domesticity Dead?”, explores choice rhetoric as it applies to women having the free choice to decide whether or not to be an ideal worker. Choice rhetoric refers to the woman’s choice to participate in jobs that require less education and skill so as to be able to fulfill their responsibilities and “natural” duty as a housewife and a mother. A woman’s job outside of the market is very much influenced by her work within the home, which Williams explores and observes by following the story of Deborah Fallows.

Deborah Fallows is a woman who as a result of her husband’s demanding job, decides to abandon her job so as to care for her children. Through the story of Fallows, Williams attempts to discover the reasons as to why women “fall” into the traditional arrangement that domesticity defines. Again we see Williams constructing the standards fit for an ideal worker, in which Fallows failed to meet after having her children. “She did not want a family where children “say good-night to Mom and Dad on the phone instead of having books read and getting hugs,” and eat dinner with their nanny instead of their parents

(p 16).” Her obligations and demands as a mother trumped her capabilities and desire to perform as a dedicated worker in the market, thus leading her to her decision to leave her job. Williams continues to talk about the language of status and what it means in a relationship. Traditionally and socially, the husband uses the language of status to decide issues of whether or not he will “permit” the wife to work, or to determine his entitlements to the services of his wife. The husband, as depicted in Fallow’s relationship was entitled to performing as an ideal worker who made overall decisions that affected his family life. Mrs. Fallows’ decision to leave her job in order to provide for her household are affects of domesticity, the main theme in which Williams organizes this chapter.

Traditionally, the roles between women and men have been structurally defined as the man as the provider and authoritative figure, and the woman as the home maker. This was best defined as Williams describes the “Great Chain of Being”. The Great Chain of Being was the line of authority that ascended from God that provided as a hierarchical method in ranking individuals. Men were on top and had the most power, as women were below them and were considered the weaker individuals. The man’s job determined where the family lived, their social life, who was responsible for completing housework and the wife’s career plans. What was “natural” according to society, influenced gender work roles. Men were considered to be natural competitors who could survive in the workplace and women were considered to be “moral mothers” who belonged at home taking care of the children and provide moral support for their family.

Going further in discussing the “ideal worker” and what that means to mothers and families, Williams notes the demands that are required as mothers, recognizing that being a mother is a full time job in which men rarely take part in. Men feel that it is there primary responsibility to perform as breadwinners and ideal workers and as a result of this, women feel obligated to stay at home and care for the family and their husbands who are working forty + hours a week. Mothering however has become a full job that requires a lot of time, energy, and sacrifice. Williams goes on to discuss how mothers do not even want their children being raised by babysitters. They want to be there all the time and there to give whatever whenever to the point where having someone else watch their kids was not good mothering. I believe that children need a balance between having a mother at home to take care of them and give them all of the care that they want, but at the same time I believe that a mother deserves to take time for herself and work so as to also provide for her family and especially her children. The time that mothers and children spend together should be valued and recognized however childcare should not be basis of a mother’s lives. Instead gender roles should be able to be reconstructed and allow the fathers to also take part and play a role in the child’s life.

From Rods to Reasoning

Sharon Hay’s From Rods to Reasoning is an article to prove that mothering is socially constructed. Through studying the social transitions that mothers experienced throughout history, we come to see that there are many alternatives to raising children. Hay’s explores the transitions that child rearing has undergone such as from the time when children were raised by many women, older siblings or the church, to modern days in which women see the only acceptable way in raising a child is being there as a full time mom. Values instilled within children also varied. Children used to attend work from the time they were six or seven and were seen as economically valuable as they performed work and helped their parents with work. Upon the emergence of the innocent child, mothers began to believe that the only way in which they could instill good values in them was by being their primary caretaker and provider. This is the type of mothering that is apparent today when describing intense mothering. Women became most concerned with keeping their children away from the world’s evils as providing moral guidance was the basis of their child care. As a society, I believe that we can learn to appreciate children and their many abilities and talents a little bit more by including them into society however I do agree that we should try and preserve a child’s innocence. After all they really are only children once.

American Fathering in Historical Perspective

This article attempts to further explain and recognize the changes that occurred amongst fathers in the United States. Previously fathers were very involved in their children’s lives. He was there as their provider, their teacher and served as a moral guide. They were very much concerned with educating the young and guiding his son in particular down the right occupational calling. The relationship between the father and the son was also stressed throughout this article. The son was seen to be the “hope” of the father. The father would be very involved in his son’s life and would lead his son to do the right things. Further within the article however is the discussion of the decreased involvement and participation of the father as they became the “distant breadwinner” Women were obligated to take care of the children while their husbands were away, and they became the unselfish and nurturing mother. It is said that the maternal influence proved to be greater on the son because of the increased distance that the son experienced from the father. Although the father still had ultimate authority, the mother’s influence and teachings were what was carried through in their children’s lives. I think that it is important that we as a society stress today how important it is for both parents to be involved in their children’s lives. Not only do they provide support and motivation, but they are essential in the development of their children’s morals, values and beliefs that they will learn to live by.