Mothering

Introduction

Ann Crittendon, The Price of Motherhood

In Ann Crittendon’s “The Price of Motherhood”, she uses her personal experience as a professional and a mother to show readers the importance of mothers. Throughout her article, she notes how unrecognized mother’s work is, as it relates to other work paid outside of the home. Crittendon defines a mother as “selfless service to another”. A mother’s work requires complete devotion and dedication to raising her children along with forgetting or ignoring her own needs so as to give her all to her children. I do agree with Crittendon that child rearing is the most important job in the world. The way in which children are raised truly shapes the future, in its achievements and in its people who carry out those achievements. However, raising children and being a mother is work taken for granted. Housewives are often misunderstood as beautiful, classy women who sit around their houses all day waiting on their husbands and dreaming about using their husband’s money for shopping, when in reality, many housewives are taking care of daily chores plus that of raising a child. The calculation that Crtitendon performs to add up the amount of work and money that mothers put into servicing their families is in actuality a very significant amount of money that is denied and unrecognized by society. These chores go unpaid, taken for granted, and are in fact very risky to the mother’s in the future. Crittendon explains that because of the divorce rate, mothers are taking a huge chance in not working outside of the home in order to care for their children, because in all truth the money earned by the worker is really only their own. As a society, we need to start recognizing a mother’s work as providing to good people to the bigger society. By providing special services such as paid maternity leave, or day care at their job, to allow mothers to work outside of the home as well as take care of their children we as a society can work toward balancing the efforts and the fairness of mothers.

Women as Fathers: Motherhood and Child Care under a Modified Patriarchy

Barbara Katz Rothman

Rothman’s Motherhood and Child Care under a Modified Patriarchy introduces readers to the aspects of patriarchal privilege. The seed as a term stemmed from the bible is what connects fathers to their children. Their seed and their genetics is what makes fathers parents, as apposed to the nurturance and body that makes mothers connect to their children. Parenthood however is technically defined by genetics, as Rothman explains technically allows an individual to be equally related to their mothers and fathers. Understanding of this concept recognizes the legal and social rights and claims of the parents, mother and father. However throughout history and still currently today, there is still a traditional sense of parenthood, and men are still considered the dominant and controlling figure in a family. With the introduction and on- going success of procreative technology, women’s egg (seed) is considered as important as the contribution of a man’s seed, thus launching women as patriarchs. Women can come to own their children just as men own them and have rights to them just as men do. What most interested me in this article is the special connection that children had to their substitute caregivers as opposed to the relationship that they actually had with their own mothers. I feel that the mother-child relationship that develops is one that is special and irreplaceable by any other caregiver. The mothering experience is not only exclusive to the mother in her becoming a selfless individual who loves and devotes her life to her child, but it is also special for the child. The nurturance that is received by the child from the mother cannot be replaced by a substitute or an assistant. The recognition of power and control that the mother has over the child that the assistant does not have strengthens that mother- child relationship. I agree that mothers should and do have a right to their children as caregivers and as authoritative figures.

Black Feminist Thought: Black Women and Motherhood

Patricia Hill Collins

Collins article brings light to a traditionally different type of mothering that occurs in African American households. The images that are usually associated with black mothering are that of the mammy, the matriarch and the welfare mother. Motherhood, as Collins notes can actually serve as a way for black women to empower, respect and redefine themselves as women in society who have been oppressed and experience many social problems. One thing that Collins highlights in her article is the notion of othermothers. Othermothers are women, usually family members or close members in the community who care for children so that the mother can continue to go to work and take care of the family. The presence of othermothers is very common amongst black mothers, and is reciprocated throughout the community. Collins also notes the image of the “superstrong” black matriarch who to society is a strong disciplinarian. This mother is the one who teaches her daughter how to survive and handle anything that may come her way. This image of the black mother was the one that most stood out to me. Many times black mothers get a reputation for being mean, harsh and overprotective of their children; however, black children must be somewhat prepared to face the struggles that they may face as minorities. I feel that black mothers make it a priority to be leaders in their children’s lives, by helping them develop skills that will make them independent and self sufficient individuals who are well educated and do not need to depend on men for survival. By providing a support system within the community, and by being an active mother, black mothers are the foundation for black leaders in society.

As a black woman, I found this article especially relatable to my personal life and upbringing. Because both of my parents worked, my sister and I were left to be taken care of by another relative, specifically my grandmother when we were very young. By surrounding us with family instead of another caretaker, I believe was most beneficial to my upbringing. My family instilled values of education, and self-worth and respect into my lifestyle at a very early age, that I believe could not have been done with having another caretaker.

The Wage Penalty for Motherhood

Michelle Budig

The Wage for Motherhood, provides readers insight into the disparities that exist within the workforce for mothers. Mothers joining the workforce have a very hard time in attaining much financially because as Budig concludes, mothers have to compensate their duties outside of the home with their duties within the home. Many mothers because they cannot afford to have a full time, and big paying job, receive low wages and wage penalties. The wage penalty for motherhood is also a result of gender inequality. Motherhood is often not recognized as a job, and for that it is unpaid. Budig refers to society as “free riders” who receive free labor from mothers, while mothers receive lower wages. As agreed in Budig’s article as well as in Crittendon’s article, the resources that are available to women as mothers and as professionals are lacking and do not allow women to be as productive in the workforce as men. Women are forced to take on part time jobs or otherwise known as “mother-friendly” jobs so as to allow for time to complete household duties that are rarely performed by men. As a woman in today’s society, we face discrimination that limits us in our job opportunities, and as mothers we take an even greater risk as companies do not offer particular resources that motivate being a mother and a professional.

Domesticity and the Family

Introduction

The introduction to Joan William’s Unbending Gender: why family and work conflict and what to do about it, attempts to introduce the theme of domesticity that defines gender norms and roles within family life. The ideology of domesticity as Williams describes, is one that separates the responsibilities of the market worker and the caregiver. The inability for the market worker to both perform in the market and inside of the home gives rise to domesticity, thus justifying the breadwinner and housewife roles. As gender roles are further defined, Williams also particularly looks at the effect that domesticity has had on a woman’s income and work ethic, and also how it affects the dynamic of family life as the father’s involvement in their children’s lives is minimized.

Specifically, William’s description and observation of the ideal worker, and the sex discrimination that resulted from defining the ideal worker sparked my interest. Williams describes the ideal worker as someone who works forty hours or more a week year round. For most families, this kind of work ethic is traditionally feasible by only men who can dedicate that much time to their jobs because their wives and their mothers of their children continue to fulfill household and caregiver duties. Mothers, as Williams explains do not have the same or equal opportunity to participate or to dedicate themselves to jobs as men do. What was most surprising to me was that though the wage gap between men and women has decreased the gap between “mothers and others” has increased according to William’s figure that mothers who work full time earn only sixty cents for every dollar earned by full-time fathers. I am curious to see why this gap and wage inequality continues to exist and why the work place is not working to compensate and take interest in women who are mothers and who are depended upon to provide for not only themselves but also for their children. I think that the traditional notion of the ideal worker needs to be redefined in order to include family work within that of market work.

Chapter One

Chapter one of Joan William’s Unbending Gender: why family and work conflict and what to do about it, “Is Domesticity Dead?”, explores choice rhetoric as it applies to women having the free choice to decide whether or not to be an ideal worker. Choice rhetoric refers to the woman’s choice to participate in jobs that require less education and skill so as to be able to fulfill their responsibilities and “natural” duty as a housewife and a mother. A woman’s job outside of the market is very much influenced by her work within the home, which Williams explores and observes by following the story of Deborah Fallows.

Deborah Fallows is a woman who as a result of her husband’s demanding job, decides to abandon her job so as to care for her children. Through the story of Fallows, Williams attempts to discover the reasons as to why women “fall” into the traditional arrangement that domesticity defines. Again we see Williams constructing the standards fit for an ideal worker, in which Fallows failed to meet after having her children. “She did not want a family where children “say good-night to Mom and Dad on the phone instead of having books read and getting hugs,” and eat dinner with their nanny instead of their parents

(p 16).” Her obligations and demands as a mother trumped her capabilities and desire to perform as a dedicated worker in the market, thus leading her to her decision to leave her job. Williams continues to talk about the language of status and what it means in a relationship. Traditionally and socially, the husband uses the language of status to decide issues of whether or not he will “permit” the wife to work, or to determine his entitlements to the services of his wife. The husband, as depicted in Fallow’s relationship was entitled to performing as an ideal worker who made overall decisions that affected his family life. Mrs. Fallows’ decision to leave her job in order to provide for her household are affects of domesticity, the main theme in which Williams organizes this chapter.

Traditionally, the roles between women and men have been structurally defined as the man as the provider and authoritative figure, and the woman as the home maker. This was best defined as Williams describes the “Great Chain of Being”. The Great Chain of Being was the line of authority that ascended from God that provided as a hierarchical method in ranking individuals. Men were on top and had the most power, as women were below them and were considered the weaker individuals. The man’s job determined where the family lived, their social life, who was responsible for completing housework and the wife’s career plans. What was “natural” according to society, influenced gender work roles. Men were considered to be natural competitors who could survive in the workplace and women were considered to be “moral mothers” who belonged at home taking care of the children and provide moral support for their family.

Going further in discussing the “ideal worker” and what that means to mothers and families, Williams notes the demands that are required as mothers, recognizing that being a mother is a full time job in which men rarely take part in. Men feel that it is there primary responsibility to perform as breadwinners and ideal workers and as a result of this, women feel obligated to stay at home and care for the family and their husbands who are working forty + hours a week. Mothering however has become a full job that requires a lot of time, energy, and sacrifice. Williams goes on to discuss how mothers do not even want their children being raised by babysitters. They want to be there all the time and there to give whatever whenever to the point where having someone else watch their kids was not good mothering. I believe that children need a balance between having a mother at home to take care of them and give them all of the care that they want, but at the same time I believe that a mother deserves to take time for herself and work so as to also provide for her family and especially her children. The time that mothers and children spend together should be valued and recognized however childcare should not be basis of a mother’s lives. Instead gender roles should be able to be reconstructed and allow the fathers to also take part and play a role in the child’s life.

From Rods to Reasoning

Sharon Hay’s From Rods to Reasoning is an article to prove that mothering is socially constructed. Through studying the social transitions that mothers experienced throughout history, we come to see that there are many alternatives to raising children. Hay’s explores the transitions that child rearing has undergone such as from the time when children were raised by many women, older siblings or the church, to modern days in which women see the only acceptable way in raising a child is being there as a full time mom. Values instilled within children also varied. Children used to attend work from the time they were six or seven and were seen as economically valuable as they performed work and helped their parents with work. Upon the emergence of the innocent child, mothers began to believe that the only way in which they could instill good values in them was by being their primary caretaker and provider. This is the type of mothering that is apparent today when describing intense mothering. Women became most concerned with keeping their children away from the world’s evils as providing moral guidance was the basis of their child care. As a society, I believe that we can learn to appreciate children and their many abilities and talents a little bit more by including them into society however I do agree that we should try and preserve a child’s innocence. After all they really are only children once.

American Fathering in Historical Perspective

This article attempts to further explain and recognize the changes that occurred amongst fathers in the United States. Previously fathers were very involved in their children’s lives. He was there as their provider, their teacher and served as a moral guide. They were very much concerned with educating the young and guiding his son in particular down the right occupational calling. The relationship between the father and the son was also stressed throughout this article. The son was seen to be the “hope” of the father. The father would be very involved in his son’s life and would lead his son to do the right things. Further within the article however is the discussion of the decreased involvement and participation of the father as they became the “distant breadwinner” Women were obligated to take care of the children while their husbands were away, and they became the unselfish and nurturing mother. It is said that the maternal influence proved to be greater on the son because of the increased distance that the son experienced from the father. Although the father still had ultimate authority, the mother’s influence and teachings were what was carried through in their children’s lives. I think that it is important that we as a society stress today how important it is for both parents to be involved in their children’s lives. Not only do they provide support and motivation, but they are essential in the development of their children’s morals, values and beliefs that they will learn to live by.

"From Marriage to Market", "Feminism, Children and the New Families"

The relationship between marriage, work and family is unique for all time periods, all races, classes, and all households. Through reading "From Marriage to The Market" and "Feminism, Children and the New Families", I have come to understand the importance and relevance of different gender roles within the domestic household and within the outside workplace that affect the way in which a family operates.

Susan Thistle describes that throughout history men ultimately controlled the lives of their wives and their families financially and legally. Marriage was in fact a bargain in which a man and woman participated in so as to survive physically and financially. In exchange for domestic labor, such as everyday household chores and child care, the woman would receive support from her husband that would allow her to exist in a society that was money dependent. The encounter with the market for both African American women and white women was similar in which they both faced conflict in balancing domestic and paid work, however different in the types of demands in which they required. "From Marriage to Market" served as a detailed work that introduced the difficulties that women had interacting with the market, as it challenged their primary duties as wives and mothers.

"Feminism, Children, and the New Families" was helpful in describing the trends as they relate to married or single women who are working or not working. Dornbusch and Strober introduced theories of the breadwinner system and the egalitarian system as they relate to the dynamics of marriage, family and work.

The transformation that occurred in the lives of women as a result of the Industrial Revolution became an epic change that affected all of society. As opportunities rose for women to work (after WWII), women had proved their capability to endure in "men's work" and complete tasks that weren't performed at home. With newer and bigger challenges that they had to face as they entered the workforce, women also struggled with maintaining her primary job.

The pressures in which women face not only just as a woman but also as a mother and a wife are those that cannot be compared to any other. Men desire women who are independent and take an interest in working and making their own money so that they can buy their own clothes and can offer to pay the check at dinner, but they also want women who are domesticated. Women are expected to know how to cook, how to clean, how to take care of children, and also how to present themselves in front of their man. Songs today like Neyo's "Miss Independent" suggest that his initial attraction to this woman was her ability to be independent, go to work and buy all of the things that she wants without the help of a man, which for girls is inspirational and can serve as a tool to motivate young women to go to school, make their own money and support themselves first before supporting a family, or relying on a man to support them. This trend I have noticed although slowly is growing among young women today.

I think that the rush to get married and have children right out of college, though still quite apparent in some communities. is less likely to occur here as it is in other countries. Many women today have similar if not the same dreams to become successful and make a lot of money as men do. Women, especially that that I see of African American women, have made many sacrifices to actually go to a university, that finding a husband who can take care of them completely is not only a waste of money but also a waste of a mind. Women have become independent in their thoughts and in their actions, as Thistle also speaks of the organizations and unions that women formed to help voice their problems and conflicts that they experienced while working at home and outside of the home.

The natural desire that women have to please, and to take care of their family however still seems to supersede their duties that they have in any other outside job. Family comes first to most women, and as they go out in the world and join the market, their time, their efforts, and most of all their money is returned back to the household either in monetary value or in domestic chores still carried out by the woman. Though our generation is beginning to see more "mr. moms" it is still considered non traditional and looked upon as a unique family. As a society and as a family, not making the gender roles and the duties as specific and distinguished as they are and have been in the past, but rather treating each relationship and household differently, considering all different types of situations and arrangements is a to challenge gender roles and the expectations set out in the division of labor.

From reading "From Marriage to Market," and Feminism, Children and the New Families" I have concluded that each marriage and relationship is different unique in its arrangements, and personalities. The way in which people experience marriage, and family life is unique based off of their own past experiences, and personal desires. Like every job, one must be dedicated and personally invested to allow for success. Whether it be staying at home and taking care of the children or working outside of the home for forty hours a week, each job requires some sort of sacrifice that as a parent, a wife or a husband, must be prepared to make.