Fathering

The Absent Black Father

Dorothy Roberts

Dorothy Roberts writes The Absent Black Father to inform readers of the fatherlessness that exists within black America. Fatherlessness is defined as single motherhood. It is a father who is not married to the mother of his child either by choice, by separation, or divorce. Fatherlessness is not having direct contact with the child. Roberts begins her article stating that the fundamental reason for society’s problems are caused by the lack of involvement of black fathers within their children’s lives. Fatherlessness as Roberts observes is considered to be normal and accepted among the black community. A female-headed household in which the mother or othermothers provide the primary care for children is considered common, and is the most dominant structure for black families. This structure however is abnormal compared to the majority of society, in which the ideal father is the breadwinner and the family is centered around the role of the male. Society defines a good father as someone who is able to completely support his family financially. The breadwinning husband, who sustains the family in their finances and exposes them to a well off social network, is a good father in which his family can depend on. However, because a black man is not exposed to the goods of society as readily as a white man, he struggles with being able to live up to society’s expectations of a good father. Instead black families follow the pattern of the black matriarch in which the woman becomes independent of her husband, in order to sustain her children. The discovery as Roberts makes is that black men lack the opportunity to attain well paying jobs that can support their families due to societal injustices that promote white privilege and motivate racial inequality. What I found most interesting about this article was the “bridefare” programs that give mothers monetary rewards for marrying. I find it so discouraging to women that the only way that society thinks they can survive and make a good life for themselves and their children is by being dependent upon their husbands. Within the article it states that the bridefare program denies any income support to an unmarried woman who lives with the working father of her child, to a working mother who does not have a husband, and to two mothers who pool their money together to support their children in a single household. The only way for women to receive support from this program is if they are married and are receiving financial support from their husbands. I however encourage the independent woman, who is not reliant on her husband’s money and wants to make a living to support herself and her child. I think that society should support the many different ways of parenting and should not normalize a certain lifestyle but be accepting and tolerant of all lifestyles and family structures.

No Man’s Land Introduction

Kathleen Gerson

The Introduction to No Man’s Land by Kathleen Gerson is an article that emphasizes the change that has occurred and is occurring among men. Gerson begins by briefly with the image of the breadwinner. She notes that although men were typically considered to be breadwinners in the past, there were also families, never accounted for, who had employed wives. These families were seen as dysfunctional as they defied social norms, and deemed husbands as failures to be good providers for their families. Women now- a-days as Gerson examines have undergone a revolution that allows for women coming from very diverse backgrounds to be employed. Women who are married, unmarried, or mothers have entered into the workplace, rearranging social rules and norms. The change in men, however is the main focus of Gerson’s article. Gerson notes the decline of the primary breadwinner as the man’s role as well as their cultural support. Redefining manhood and what it actually means in society is a task that men have had to take due to their ever-changing roles in a household. One important and rather interesting thing that Gerson also noticed in the changing man, is the slow change toward men’s participation in domestication. Men, although women are participating in the paid workforce, still have yet to participate as actively in domestic chores such as housework and child care. Equality between a man and a woman’s role has yet to occur because women are now seen as double participants, inside and outside of the home. Gerson also goes into to explaining men’s increasing desire for freedom, and lack of commitment and responsibility which has influenced an increase in the divorce rate, in the postponing of marriage, and in becoming fathers. This I see as something very typical of young men, yet hope that the majority of men do want to settle down and want to share their lives and their fortunes with another person. Explaining men’s lives and their behavior toward family and work is hard to make generalizations about. As Gerson explains, we as women tend to put men in one category and women in another. We focus on differences between men and women, and fail to recognize that there are variations amongst men. Gerson hopes that by examining the variations amongst men, she can learn to understand how men construct their choices dependent upon the diverse ways in which men experience relationships and the world. The individual experiences of men contribute greatly to how they experience their privileges within their world.

The Myth of Masculinity

Kathleen Gerson

No Man’s Land as defined by Gerson is the state in which most men are as of now after experiencing the many changes that have rearranged social rules and norms that have left them uncertain about male privilege and power. The changes that Gerson examines in The Myth of Masculinity emphasize changes in workplace opportunities, relationships and experiences with children. Balancing family and work in a revolution that encourages societal change as men face the conflict of redefining masculinity and what it means to be a man is what Gerson hopes to examine. Gerson first defines masculine personality. Men’s childhood experiences shape the way in which men make choices as adults and respond to conflicts that they encounter in life. However because individual experiences are different for each person, choices cannot be explained by a generalized complex of personality qualities that are commonly used to label males. Gerson attempts to explain to readers that neither masculine personality, masculine culture, nor male dominance are ways to explain how men rationalize and make conscious decisions and responses. Rather, men’s values, qualities and characteristics should not be categorized, but rather individual experiences should be valued and should precedent experiences that happen later on in their lives. As masculinity and manhood are being redefined in society, men should learn to base their understandings of the world, and of relationships of family and work off their knowledge that they have gained throughout their personal experiences.

Having It all: The Mother and Mr. Mom

Francine Deutsch

Having it All: The Mother and Mr. Mom by Francine Deutsch examines how working class couples balance family and work. Deutsch begins by explaining how parents who both work take alternate shifts in order to provide efficient child care and take care of basic housework. The most simple explanation as to why couples have alternate shifts is because of money, and the expenses that childcare endure. Having alternate shifts also make living at home more comfortable. It is believed that children should be taken care of by family. The bond that is created between the parent and the child during childcare is essential in the emotional and psychological development of the child. Deutsch also makes an interesting point in saying that although in alternating- shift families, the father is more present than the image of the breadwinner family, the mothers still remain the mothers. Mothers always seem to make their children’s lives their priority, and shift their schedules so that they can always have more time allotted to spending with their children. Women want to be home as a parent because they think they should be home, this is what defines a mother for most women. Men also still cling to the idea as the mother as the primary and nurturing parent. As a child all throughout high school, I lived in an alternate-shift family. My father would make breakfast for my sister and I and take us to school , and my mother would pick us up after school and take us to our other extra curricular activities. I think that it was a good balance because there was never a day where I never saw both of my parents. They always found a way to be involved in my everyday activities whether it was making me breakfast or dinner or coming to one of my afterschool events.